The other day I was out running errands and I ran into an acquaintance that follows my blogs and social media posts. She said to me, “Kerry, you are always so positive. I don’t know how you do it. Are you always so happy?” I stopped and thought about it and said, “Actually, yes – well no. I am not always happy, but I am joyful.”
A lot of people say things to me like, “How are you so positive?” First of all, I will make you feel better just for a moment….I am not always positive. I have a boatload of negative thoughts that are dying to take over but I fight like hell to keep them locked up where they belong. I am not always happy either.
Take this morning for example. My racing thoughts got the best of me last night and I am on a few hours of sleep. Even my go-to sleep remedies weren’t helping. I am tired. Really tired. And it is flippin’ cold outside. Like really flippin’ cold. My garage door won’t shut. (Well it sticks and you have to hold the button down for 20 seconds). My to-do list is growing by the second. And did I mention I am really tired. These things don’t make me happy. I woke up this morning wanting to say so bad that it sucks. Every time I think it sucks, I think of 5 things in my life that don’t suck.
Those 5 things fill me with joy. Yes my eyes are stinging and I feel nauseous but I got another day. Yes it is cold as hell, but I get to snuggle in cozy sweats by my fire with my daughter as I write this. Yes my garage door sticks but I used to live in a house with no garage and that sucked! And while I sat there holding the garage door button for that extra 20 seconds this morning, I breathed and looked at my house proudly.
Healing is ongoing. Being healthy and happy takes work. A lot of work. But that work brought me to where I am now. At the end of the day, after all that work…I am a joyful little fly sitting on my pile of shit and it is glorious! I have shit, I just work really hard to keep it all together!