My father’s illness brought me to a point in my life of saying, “Why not?” When I fell to my knees, I decided to stop questioning and asking for things and to start believing. I didn’t know what I was believing in at the time but I decided to open my mind and start believing in something higher than myself – truly believing and surrendering. The day my father’s cancer spread is the day I began my spiritual journey. All it took was opening my mind and letting go.
Letting go…it isn’t easy. There are times in your life where you have no other choice but to finally let go of everything that is and was. You must let go of trying to control, trying to run, trying to find the answers, trying to fix it all…you must let it all go because that is your only choice – unless you want to spend the rest of your life fighting and struggling. This is a story about my spiritual surrender.
It was a particularly warm day in February when we found out my dad’s cancer spread. I remember because the only thing I could do to cope with the news was go for a run. I probably would have gone for a run even if there was a blizzard outside. For some reason, that was my cure for dealing with the emotions and the reality of not being able to do anything else. We were told he had months to live. We had almost made a year. We had hope. We were fighting the fight but then the news came and it was time to put our weapons down. We couldn’t fight anymore. We could only do one thing – love.I don’t think I ever ran so fast in my life. I ran and cried. I didn’t know if it was sweat or tears coming down my face anymore. I remember sprinting and when the road came to a dead end I was forced to either stop or turn around. Instead, I fell to my knees and above me the sun was starting to set. It was then I started to pray. It was a prayer that went something like this. “I have no idea who you are. I don’t know what to say to you. I know I haven’t talked to you in awhile, but if you are listening to me, please please please help me get through this.”My prayer was answered.
Decide to open your mind and not carry the weight of always having to have the answers. So often we think we need to know everything and we need to be right. It can be quite liberating and comforting to NOT know. Leaving things in the hands of faith or the universe is the perfect way to lessen the burden and carry you through life. Decide that it is okay not to know and open your mind so the possibilities can come pouring in.