I am back to blogging and today I bring you three motivational messages. I apologize for the hiatus but sometimes you need to step away. This wasn’t planned, but circumstances pulled me away from sharing my thoughts with you on a regular basis. I received some nice messages from loyal followers looking for my posts. I felt I was letting people down at first but then I realized breaks are necessary. They are essential actually. When we take time for reflection and introspection we can gain clarity and perspective.

During my hiatus, we celebrated the two year anniversary of my dad in heaven. My entire family was together and we wrote messages on balloons and released them. Tears were shed but it wasn’t as difficult as the year before. Having the family together was a absolutely wonderful – something I’m sure my dad is loving watching from above.

When I was visiting my dad at the cemetery that morning I was reflecting on all that has happened since he passed. I started making a mental list and it was kind of astounding. I became a certified life coach and personal trainer, have a weekly segment on a local talk show, have a monthly column in the paper, I write a monthly grief newsletter, I wrote two ebooks, I speak in front of various audiences and participate in charity events, I train and work with clients every day who are getting results that are even amazing me, I am teaching courses through my Youniversity,  I lost 20 pounds, have been off medications for two and half years, I finished two tough mudders, and am the healthiest I have ever been.  I am also writing a book and continually adding things to my bucket list.

I am not writing all this to glorify my accomplishments. This isn’t a bragging blog. The message of this blog is simple – when you focus on life, you get life.

I was recently telling someone about my dad’s cancer battle. For him, getting chemotherapy was just an errand. It was like he was running to the bank to make a

deposit or fill the car up with gas.  I remember talking to him one morning and he said, “I am running to get chemo but after maybe we can go skiing.” Yes, we had to wait and see how he felt after treatment but he continued to make plans and just continued living. He was only supposed to get a few months – he got a full year! In that year, he did more than most people do in their lifetime.

I sat on my dad’s headstone on April 10th of this year and thought about all of this and where I am today. I just chuckled to myself in disbelief. A few years ago, I was in the fetal position begging to die. The next day, I was on my way to a treatment center in Tuscon.  Now, I sit here (sometimes very alone but never lonely) – in pure joy.  I found joy because I focused on it and worked for it. I have dreams bigger than one can imagine and I know they will come true now, some already are. Everything is as it should be and will be if I do one thing – focus on life. If you are struggling in life, I encourage you to do the following – and start now!

1. Focus on life, not death

At any moment, you have a choice. You can always turn your attention to something better. If you focus on life, you will get more life. Focus on good, not bad. If you focus on depression, you will be depressed. If you focus on your job sucking, it will suck. If you focus on your relationship being crappy, it will continue to be crappy. If you don’t like where you are in life, stop focusing on that and turn your attention on where you want to be. Wake up and live. Do things that make you happy and feel good. Spend time with people that bring out your best. Spend energy on things that matter.

2. Change Your Thoughts

Once you learn to focus on the glass being half full instead of empty, you have to change the way you think about the water in the glass. You can always choose a better thought. You may not believe that thought but it doesn’t matter. When I went off medications, I stopped saying “I am depressed”. I went around saying “I am happy” over and over again. Do you think I was happy?!?! Hell no…my dad was dying of cancer, I just lost a baby, I was on crutches after a 3rd knee surgery, and I lost both my grandparents. We have been wired to think negative. Most of the thoughts you are having today are the same ones you had yesterday – and most of them are negative. Reprogramming takes work – a lot of work. Anytime a negative thought comes, ditch it and replace it with a positive. Until you change the way you think, you remain stuck right where you are.

3. Take a Break and Let Go

Just stop and let life happen. Worrying does nothing but rob you of peace. Your past already happened and you have no idea if you will get tomorrow so why are you thinking about it? Life is happening right NOW. I challenged a stressed friend to sit and listen to a mediation for 3 minutes. She got anxious just thinking about it. She said, “Oh my gosh, I could never do that! And I don’t have time!” She went on about all the things she had to do and think about. None of them she could control. She couldn’t make someone buy her house, she couldn’t give her husband a new job, she can’t prevent her child from getting picked on, and she can’t change her mother’s cancer diagnosis. The idea of letting go seems so scary to people – but once you do it, it is incredibly freeing. At the eye of the storm, there is calm. Peace can be found amongst chaos, but we have to be willing to sit in it.