Difficult Conversations Are Only Difficult if We Avoid Them

Difficult conversations are only difficult if we make them. The more we avoid having them, the longer we are stuck in a place of turmoil.

There are so many conversations we will have in our lifetimes that fit into the category of DIFFICULT. “I want to break up” “I want a divorce” “I love you” “You have cancer” “I can’t come for Christmas” and even “I don’t want to eat there.”

No matter how hard we try we can’t avoid these conversations. We try to but we can’t. When we were younger, we had our friend’s end our relationships for us. Nowadays, they do it through texting. We don’t want to tell our spouse we are unhappy or our friend that we don’t want to go out. We don’t want to tell our parents we can’t come over or our boss that we need time off. We avoid face-to-face confrontations so it won’t hurt as much. We run from the discomfort and the fear.  What are we afraid? The problem is usually there, staring us right in the face…blowing its trunk. For all the newbies, please read the elephant blog.

Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we distort what the other person is saying. We think the other person is the problem. Sometimes we become defensive. Sometimes we avoid and refuse to talk. In the case of arguing, remember the desired end goal for both of you is happiness and harmony. The only way this will happen is through compromise and speaking the truth. Being right and getting your way all the time is unrealistic and usually ends with one result – being alone.

So instead of running from the scary, the uncomfortable, the frustrating, and the repeat conversations where you continue to stick to your script…try something new. Go exactly where you don’t want to go! Doing the same thing over and over is the definition of crazy. Hug and say you are sorry. Make amends. Set a boundary. Be real. Go into your fear and share what REALLY is bothering you about the situation. When you go to that place, rarely does anyone get harmed. One difficult conversation is better than a bunch of conversations avoiding the truth. You may find that that one honest “talk”, while difficult, often ends in peace while all the others you had where you avoided your true feelings left you in turmoil.